A Few Words About Mindful Speech
published 9/7/14; updated 3/6/22
photo by stockimages for freedigitalphotos.net
by Catharine Hannay, founder of MindfulTeachers.org
I was shocked when a teacher told me about the vicious spiral of Facebook comments among “friends” at her school.
You might be surprised that I found this so alarming. You might brush it off as typical high school cattiness.
Except that it wasn’t at a high school but a university.
And not among the students, but the faculty and staff.
My point isn't to demonize the people involved. I don't know about you, but there are at least half a dozen times I've regretted hitting ‘send.’
Not to mention the couple of times I was venting at work (in one case quite nastily)… and exactly the wrong person overheard.
As I mentioned in my post on How Can We Accept What We Don't Like About Ourselves, I’m learning to accept what I’ve done without condoning it. I'm also learning to use that feeling of “oh, &!^#%@! I can't believe I said that!” as a reminder to be very careful how I express myself, especially online.
It goes something like this:
What a jerk! I can’t believe he said that.
Oh, wait. I’ve said some things I shouldn’t have. I guess that makes me a jerk, too.
But I really regret what I said, so maybe I’m not such a jerk after all.
Hmm, maybe he regrets what he said, too.
Maybe I can forgive him.
Maybe he can forgive me.
Maybe I can forgive myself.
I’d argue that mindful speech is the most important aspect of mindfulness, since it can have such an impact on other people.
I’ve seen it boiled down to the simple formula:
Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?
Or
Say anything, but kindly.
Or
T: Am I sure that this is True?
H: Is it Helpful for me to say this?
I: Should I say it, or someone else?
N: Is Now a good time to say this?
K: Is it Kind for me to say this?
This is why mindfulness matters. This is why we practice. Because it makes us more compassionate toward others, and toward ourselves.
About the Author
Catharine Hannay, M.A., is the founder of MindfulTeachers.org and the author of Being You: A Girl’s Guide to Mindfulness, a workbook for teen girls on mindfulness, compassion, and self-acceptance. She was a teacher for twenty years, including a dozen years in the Intensive English Program at Georgetown University, and now works as a writer and editor specializing in mindfulness, effective communication, and mental health. CatharineHannay.com
Related Posts
There are many more resources on mindful communication here at MindfulTeachers.org, including the following posts: