The Complexities of Identity: Quotations for Reflection and Discussion
published September 19, 2025
photo by Min An from pexels.com
by Catharine Hannay, founder of MindfulTeachers.org
Continuing the series of Quotations for Teaching Mindfulness and Compassion, here are a variety of perspectives on discovering and embracing our multiple selves.
Teachers, please note:
I don’t necessarily recommend giving this whole list to your students—I like to provide a lot of options so you can choose what’s most appropriate for your particular context.
I’ve included links to book titles just so you can see more information about the sources of these quotes. (I don’t accept any paid links or advertising.)
Scroll to the bottom of the post for questions that can be used for personal reflection or as prompts for discussion and writing.
Self-Discovery
“I am out with lanterns,
looking for myself.”
Emily Dickinson
“While you may think you already know yourself, maybe more than you want to know, most of what you know is probably about who you should be and shouldn’t be as opposed to who you really are.”
Nancy Collier, interviewed by Brittany Leitner at oprahdaily.com
“We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others, that in the end, we become disguised to ourselves.’
maxims of La Rochefoucauld
“Distracted by the way we wish we were, or by what we think we ought to be, or by what others assume we are, we lose sight of what’s actually true. But when we know ourselves, we can shape our lives to reflect our own nature and values.”
Gretchen Rubin, Secrets of Adulthood, p. 22
“Tell me to what you pay attention and I will tell you who you are.”
José Ortega y Gassett, Man and Crisis
“‘How did you find yourself?’ I ask.
‘I didn’t. I built myself. I decided who I wanted to be.’”
Lev AC Rosen, The Bell in the Fog
“So many people waste their life by trying to become what they could not be and by neglecting to be what they could become.”
Erich Fromm, interview in Le Monde Dimanche, p. xv (21.10.1979), quoted in “Autobiographical Sidelights,” The Art of Loving
“At the center of your being
you have the answer;
you know who you are
and you know what you want.”
Lao Tzu, quoted in The Wisdom of the Myths by Luc Ferry,, p. 104
Embracing Multiple Identities
“Megan was part Ethiopian, part African-American, part Malawian, and part English.
Which felt weird when you broke it down like that because essentially she was just a complete human being.”
Bernadine Evaristo, Girl, Woman, Other, p. 311
“I am a person with so many identities, which are constantly shifting and moving and growing and evolving. I am a woman, a woman of color, a queer woman, a person of faith, […] a co-worker, a daughter, a sister, a niece, a cousin. […] At any given point in my life, based on approximately one thousand factors, any one of those identities can take the front seat, can float to a different place.”
Brit Barron, Do You Still Talk to Grandma? (When the Problematic People in Our Lives Are the Ones We Love), p. 110
“Think of yourself as a nesting doll: How many versions of yourself have you carried this far, to this point? How many more iterations will there be as you age? Know there is room for all of you.”
Maggie Smith, Keep Moving, p. 177
“[…] the idea of you is complex […] your self is made up of many selves […] not only persons you once were, but also persons you have tried to be, persons you have avoided being, and persons you fear you might be.”
Jerome Stern, quoted p. 10 Writing Fiction by Janet Burroway
“Do I contradict myself? Very well, then, I contradict myself; I am large — I contain multitudes.
Walt Whitman
“A person is a fluid process, not a fixed and static entity; a flowing river of change, not a block of solid material, a continually changing constellation of potentialities, not a fixed quantity of traits.”
Carl Rogers
“Identity was partly heritage, partly upbringing, but mostly the choices you make in life.”
Patricia Briggs, Cry Wolf, p. 197
Accepting Ourselves (and Others)
“One learns who one is, and it is at one’s peril that one attempts to become someone else.”
John Barthe
“Pleasure at the simple fact of being this very person, at this very moment, living this very life.”
Kelly Barnhill, When Women Were Dragons, p. 272-273
“It is not your job to make other people comfortable with who you are. Be wary of those who don’t want you to change or grow. Grow anyway—there is no alternative.”
Maggie Smith, Keep Moving, p. 59
“I use the intelligence I possess to live my own way. You may think it is a very odd way, but it is my way, and I do no one any harm.”
Margery Allingham, More Work for the Undertaker, p. 101
“If you need to make someone feel small, so that you can feel tall, then my goodness, my dear, you’re no person at all.”
Alex Hay, The Housekeepers
Questions for Reflection and Discussion
As always with personal topics, please respect your students’/clients’/trainees’ wishes about how much they choose to share with you or with the group.
Which of these quotations did you most/least agree with? Why?
Which of these quotations feels most/least similar to your life experience? Why?
Did any of these quotations surprise you? Why or why not?
Which words would you use to describe yourself? Are they the same as the words other people use to describe you?
Related Posts
There are many more quotations and resources on self-awareness and self-acceptance here at MindfulTeachers.org, including the following posts: