Mindfulness and Anger: Quotations for Reflection and Discussion
published 7/24/23; updated 4/14/25
Photo by Yogendra Singh on Unsplash
by Catharine Hannay, founder of MindfulTeachers.org
Continuing the series of Quotations for Teaching Mindfulness and Compassion, here are a variety of perspectives on accepting our feelings of anger and choosing how to respond.
Teachers, please note:
I don’t necessarily recommend giving this whole list to your students—I like to provide a lot of options so you can choose what’s most appropriate for your particular context.
I’ve included links to book titles so you can see more information about the sources of these quotes. (I don’t accept any paid links or advertising.)
Scroll to the bottom of the post for questions that can be used for personal reflection or as prompts for discussion and writing.
Quotes About the Harmful Effects of Anger
“Matthew was known for his finely developed sense of right and wrong. All his mistakes in judgment could be traced back to decisions made in anger.”
Deborah Harkness, A Discovery of Witches, p. 201
“When you are angry, you’re carrying the burden while the other person is out dancing.”
Irish proverb
“You will not be punished for your anger. You will be punished by your anger.”
The Buddha, quoted in The Gentle Way of the Heart, Anders Nilsson, p. 98
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”
Mark Twain
“Anyone can become angry—that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purposes, and in the right way—this is not easy.”
Aristotle
“Something of vengeance I had tasted for the first time; as aromatic wine it seemed, on swallowing, warm and racy; its after-flavour, metallic and corroding, gave me a sensation as if I had been poisoned.”
Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre
“The Nome King was in an angry mood, and at such times he was very disagreeable. Everyone kept away from him. [...] Therefore, the king stormed and raged all by himself, walking up and down in his jewel-studded cavern and getting angrier all the time. Then he remembered that it was no fun being angry unless he had someone to frighten and make miserable, and he rushed to his big gong and made it clatter as loud as he could.”
The Emerald City of Oz, L. Frank Baum
“Nearly all the violence that we hear about in the media is triggered by rage, and more specifically, by impotent rage. Impotent rage results when a person feels rejected and humiliated by people and feels powerless to do anything about it. Having few internal coping skills, the person explodes and lashes out at the world.”
Mark Goulston, Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone
“Who among us can look back at our lives [...] and not recall an instance of being so swept up by anger that we said or did something we now deeply regret?”
Sharon Salzburg, Real Change: Mindfulness to Heal Ourselves and the World, p. 58:
“To be clear, anger isn’t dysfunctional. Anger is a powerful, healthy, necessary, and motivating force. Dysfunction arises when you use your anger to hurt yourself or others.”
Katherine Morgan Schafler, The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control, p. 21
Quotes About Healthy Responses to Anger
“We aren’t taught how to be angry; we’re taught to ‘behave yourself,’ which teaches us to misjudge and condemn the feeling we’re experiencing.”
Bud Harris, Sacred Selfishness, p. 257
“Angry people say nasty, mean things. If you listen to the words, you are likely to become emotionally triggered. You can easily be sucked into the conflict whirlpool. By ignoring the words and focusing on the emotions you are insulating yourself from the upset.”
Douglas E. Noll, De-escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less, p. 16
“One of the first stories I heard about meditation described a hermit emerging from his cave after years of meditation, having achieved a mind of perfect calm and peace. He visits the local marketplace. Someone accidentally jostles him. He hits back. When I heard the story, I laughed. But I got the point. A mind of perfect calm and peace that lasts only until the exit of the cave is not the goal of practice. It needs to get out the door.”
Sylvia Boorstein, Pay Attention, For Goodness’ Sake
“People don’t usually have problems with what you feel, they have problems with what you do. […]
Our goal is to give you the best set of tools possible to understand where your anger comes from, handle out-of-control feelings and actions, and ultimately feel happier and more at peace with yourself and others […by]
training your brain to
a) be mindful of triggers;
b) identify thoughts, feelings, and beliefs,
c) assess the safest option, and
d) use the power of choice to select a response.”
Mark Purcell and Jason Murphy, Mindfulness for Teen Anger
“To ask, ‘Is my anger legitimate?’ is similar to asking, ‘Do I have the right to be thirsty?’ […] We all have a right to everything we feel—and certainly our anger is no exception. [...]
However, [it] may be helpful to ask ourselves,
‘What am I really angry about?’
‘What is the problem, and whose problem is it?’
‘How can I sort out who is responsible for what?’
‘How can I learn to express my anger in a way that will not leave me helpless and powerless?’
‘When I’m angry, how can I clearly communicate my position without becoming defensive or attacking?’
‘What risks and losses might I face if I become clearer and more assertive?’
‘If getting angry is not working for me, what can I do differently?’
Harriet Lerner, The Dance of Anger, p. 3-4
“Imagine that you have a bucket deep inside you for storing anger. Over your lifetime, you accumulate a lot of it! If you empty your bucket regularly—by releasing your anger in healthy ways—it is a lot easier for you to handle. But if you let it get too full, even the smallest event can cause it to overflow. The result is unpredictable and volatile behavior or depression.
[…] If you’re dismayed at how angry or hurt you can get over something that seems relatively small, it’s likely to be the back catalogue of incidents you’ve suppressed breaking through the surface of your ‘niceness.’ When we’re resentful, our past hijacks our present.”
Gillian Anderson and Jennifer Nadel, We: A Manifesto for Women Everywhere, p. 118-119; p. 123
“It is an act of courage to acknowledge our own uncertainty and sit with it for a while. Too often, anger propels us to take positions that we have not thought through carefully enough or that we are not really ready to take. […]
Slow down! Our anger can be a powerful vehicle for personal growth and change [even] if it does nothing more than help us recognize that we are not yet clear about something and that it is our job to keep struggling with it.”
Harriet Lerner, The Dance of Anger, p. 107
“Anger is about protecting something vulnerable inside or outside ourselves. Instead of saying, ‘I am angry,’ it can be helpful to say ‘anger is happening.’ This can allow us to be curious about our anger rather than wallowing in it.
[…] Experiencing anger is one thing. Knowing how to express it is another. Often, we can find ourselves alternating between rage and stony silence, neither of which is functional. We each must learn, through trial and error, how to voice our anger.
[…] A good question to ask ourselves is, ‘Are there ways to voice my anger that will benefit me or anyone else?’”
Mary Pipher, Women Rowing North, p. 106
Questions for Reflection and Discussion
(If you choose to use these questions in a class or group: As with any other lesson that might bring up painful or embarrassing experiences, please respect your students' wishes about how much they choose to share.)
Which of these quotations do you most identify with? Why?
Do you disagree with any of these quotations? Why?
In your opinion, what is the connection (if any) between mindfulness and anger?
What were you taught about anger when you were growing up? Do you think this was good advice? Why or why not?
Have you experienced or witnessed a situation where someone showed a mindful or mindless approach to handling anger? What happened?
How do you typically handle anger? Do you think this is a healthy and effective response, or would you like to change how you react to anger?
Related Posts
There are many more resources here at MindfulTeachers.org on self-awareness, compassion, and mindful communication, including the following posts: