See Your Child Through Fresh Eyes: A Mindful Parenting Practice
published October 29, 2024
Photo from Pixabay via Pexels.com
by Catharine Hannay, founder of MindfulTeachers.org
Here are four ways to shift your perspective so you can:
see your child and your relationship more clearly;
better understand what might be going on from their point of view; and
decide if you’d like to make any changes to your role as a parent.
Perspective Shift #1:
Look at your kid as if it’s the first time
Mindful parenting mentor Hunter Clarke-Fields suggests imagining that you’ve never seen your child before. What would you notice if you were meeting this kid for the first time?
Look at them as if you don’t know anything about them and are curious to learn more. What kind of clothes and shoes are they wearing? How do they move their body? How do they interact with other people?
Try to let go of any labels and pay close attention to how your child is now, not how they used to be or how you’d like them to be.
(summarized from Raising Good Humans, p. 27-28)
Perspective Shift # 2:
Look through the eyes of another adult
Think about one of the other adults involved in your child’s life: your partner or ex-partner, your kid’s favorite (or least favorite) teacher, the parent of one of their friends, or a coach, tutor, or counselor.
Try to see your child through this other person’s eyes. What aspects of your kid might this person see that you don’t see? Does your child interact differently with them than with you? Do they seem to bring out different qualities in your child?
Are there any ways you’d like to change the way you interact with your child, or with the other adults involved in your child’s care?
Perspective Shift #3:
Look at the world through your child’s eyes
How did the world look to you when you were your child’s age?
Do you remember facing any similar challenges when you were a kid?
What do you realize now that you wish you’d understood at the time?
What kind of support do you wish someone had given you when you were growing up?
Did you grow up in a similar or different environment from your child? What types of challenges might be different for them than when you were the same age?
Does your child tend to find your advice helpful, or out of date/out of sync with their reality?
Perspective Shift #4:
Look at yourself through your child’s eyes
How do you think your child perceives you?
Do they likely think you’re easily manipulated or overly strict?
If you raise your voice, do they listen respectfully, or do they roll their eyes, cringe, ignore you, or yell back? From their perspective, why might they have this reaction?
From your kid’s perspective, how do you compare to the parents of their peers?
Are there any differences in how your child sees you and how you’d like them to see you? Do they seem to understand that you care about them and want what’s best for them?
How do you think they’ll remember their childhood when they’re grown up and may have children of their own?
Conclusion
“Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for an instant?”
Henry David Thoreau
We never really know what’s going on in somebody else’s head, so you likely won’t imagine exactly what your child and their other caregivers are thinking.
That’s OK.
Even if you don’t get it 100% right, trying to see from other points of view will help you:
notice different aspects of your kid;
reflect on what kind of parent they need you to be; and
perhaps shift the way you communicate with them and/or with the other adults in their life.
About the Author
Catharine Hannay, M.A., is the founder of MindfulTeachers.org and the author of Being You: A Girl’s Guide to Mindfulness, a workbook for teen girls on mindfulness, compassion, and self-acceptance. CatharineHannay.com