DO’s and DON’Ts for Communicating with Students and Clients on the Autism Spectrum

published September 7, 2026

photo by Vitaly Garley from unsplash.com

by Wendy Forbes

I am on the autism spectrum myself, and have worked with many children on all 3 levels of the spectrum. For some of us it can be challenging and feel intimidating for us to meet with you (a counsellor or teacher), especially when we don’t know what to expect. Here are a few tips to help make meetings with you feel more bearable and run more smoothly. 

Please note: The autism spectrum includes a huge range of communication abilities. These tips are more effective for those functioning at level 1 and 2. (Level 3 have the most severe challenges.)

1. DO Make Your Space Welcoming

Put your name on your desk clearly written, turned towards your client in large print.

If possible find out beforehand what the student or client you are going to be working with likes and their interests. If possible and appropriate, be sure to have something similar out on the day you meet with them. This can help them feel more comfortable with you and make your session easier for them. Eg, fidget toys, colouring book, a toy bus, or play dough. 

If the situation is suitable, allow them to bring their comfy/ fidget toy, blanky, bear etc, with them. This could help make their  visit a less stressful experience. If an adult is  high functioning, it probably would not be a good idea to comment on their choice of comfort object unless they bring it up first; it may cause them embarrassment. For very young children this would be different. A focus on their comfy toy could be a great way to start your engagement with the child, who may respond positively and connect with you.

2. DON’T Make Assumptions

Don’t assume anything about that person based solely on face value. If the individual is “masking,” you are not seeing the real them, but the strategy used by some autistic people to appear non-autistic in order to blend in. 

Masking, also known as camouflaging, involves suppressing autistic traits. Masking helps some of us to manage stressful social encounters and feel socially accepted. For example, during school staff inset training day, I would often feel totally overwhelmed and stressed but would smile and present a persona of confidence and ease, then return home with a headache and feeling totally exhausted. 

Masking is exceptionally powerful, because it can disguise the person we are into a person we are not. This can be useful in helping us ‘blend in’, but sometimes it can cause communication issues and give the wrong impression of how we’re feeling.

3. DO Remember That Some Autistic People May Be Experiencing Internal Turmoil on Their Visit

This can be due to a number of reasons, including:

• the energy it takes to mask and how very exhausting that is; 

• anxiety from venturing into the unknown; 

• fears of getting things wrong; and 

• scripting (repeating memorized phrases or dialogue; this can lead to frustration or confusion when it doesn’t match with how the other person is responding).

As a result they may not be able to absorb everything that you are saying and may be unable to express their needs when asked.

Outwardly they may be  giving off positive cues, mimicking positive facial expressions and sound expertly convincing and confident. In fact, the mask is at work and actually they are feeling terribly scared, anxious and so uncomfortable, not wanting to appear inadequate.

4. DO Give Your Clients/Students Time to Process Information and Questions

A lack of response isn’t necessarily a lack of understanding (though it could be). Keep in mind that they may simply process information slower, particularly when engaging in masking, being in unfamiliar environments and/or experiencing sensory overload.

5. DO Consider Different Types of Communication

Give adults alternative options of contact if possible. Making calls can be horrendous for us and answering them equally hard. Email, voice message or text are great.

6. DO Be Precise

Don’t give vague statements, like“ you can call me back in the afternoon,” or “I shall see some time next week.” Be specific.

Also, try to avoid open-ended questions like these: 

“Ok, so tell me about yourself.”

OR

“Ok, so tell me about the seed project.”

For some of us, that can be so difficult to know where to start. It’s much more helpful to say:

“Are you employed at the moment ?”…”What are your work responsibilities?”…“Do you have any hobbies?” 

OR

“I know you are working on a seed project, how many seeds did you select to research?” … Which seed did you choose to research first and why? … What were the biggest differences and similarities that you found?”

7. DON’T Expect Eye Contact

Not all, but many autistic individuals struggle to give eye contact and are not looking away to be rude. For some people on the spectrum it feels like you are looking into their souls. For me, it feels like an uncomfortable magnetic alignment connecting us together, and there are times I cannot release the gaze. It also can affect my ability to think straight and collect my thoughts. 

With young children on the spectrum with the capacity to understand, it is best not to say “look at me when I am talking to you.” Instead say, “Zain where are you?” When  the child turns to look at you or simply turns to acknowledge you, say “Ahhhh, there you are, I can see you” and move straight on to what you needed their attention for. 

Do not get into a battle over eye contact. What eye contact means for you does not have that same social importance for many of us on the spectrum, especially children. I remember being told off at school and forced to do this. It was not only uncomfortable; the  problem was that while I struggled to hold this gaze, I heard nothing that was being said.

8. DO Avoid Sudden Changes

Please give explicit warning to your autistic clients/students/etc. if their usual routine is going to change, e.g. you are going on holiday next month. Give plenty of warning: “Fariba will be taking over next month on Monday, March 19th.” 

If possible, introduce Fariba in person or give online information so she can be researched. Give reminders of the upcoming change, and asks how they feel and what concerns they have. 

It really helps me when I can see an image of the person and know well in advance, like a month before the change.

9. DO Let Them Prepare

Pertaining to adults, if it’s the first time you are meeting this autistic person and you will need to ask a number of questions when they arrive, whenever possible email  them the questions at least a month ahead of the visit, so they can practice. Many of us have a scripts for different situations and practice ahead of time. List questions in the order you will asking  them and stick to this list. It really helps.

It is also very helpful to include a picture of  yourself, as well as pictures of the outside of the building and the inside of the building, particularly the room you will be using. Send clear directions of how to get there.

When the session is over, you may ask how they felt, etc., but if you want a more in-depth answer give them options to email, write, voice message or text their response. Some Autistic people struggle when you ask them questions they are not prepared for, and even though some may respond with what appears to be a sufficient response, what you might actually be receiving back may just be them “masking” and not giving you a response that accurately describes how they are feeling at that moment.

For some of us, “out of the blue questions” can feel like we are being put on the spot. As a result, the response you get back isn’t always exactly what we wants to convey.

The above does apply to children, too, but the question sheet would be age-appropriate and this info would be sent to their parents to share with the child.

10. DO Limit Distractions

If you use  music to calm the atmosphere, make sure it isn’t too loud. No sharp harsh tones. Choose very soft and gentle music, classical, folk or white sound. They may not want any background noise, so it is best to check with them. Sometimes even what might be considered as soft music, can sound intrusive and painful to someone on the spectrum who is hyper sensitive to sounds.

Don’t have a large amount of objects on your table. They can be a source of distraction for both children and adults on the spectrum. You may also want to turn bright lights off or down, and close the windows.

Some of my personal distractions are wall cameras with the little red lights,  wall clocks that tick loudly, and anything that isn’t hung completely straight on a wall. These distractions will  steal my attention and make it difficult for me to concentrate. However, there will be things that are just not possible to change. 

11. DO Focus on Their Strengths

Pertaining  to school settings, all children need praise and recognition. For those children who are not  academically abled or have detrimental barriers to their learning, try and find their niche or their gift. And make your reaction to their non-academic successes just as amazing and important as you do for the child achieving a page full of correct sums. 

I do not believe we are all meant to be academic scholars, any more than I believe we were all meant to be musicians. Give them a notebook to date every time they pass onto a new level in karate, or pass a swimming test, or win a football tournament, or increase their card collection, or learn a new piece on the piano, etc. And right next to this achievement, put a big red tick and a golden star. Give all children something to be proud of regularly. It is more powerful when this recognition is given to them by the sacred hands of their teachers, in front of an audience that truly matters to them, their peers.

We Are Individuals, Just Like You

Not all people on the autism spectrum are exactly alike, any more than so-called ‘neurotypicals’. We all have different skills and interests, so some of my preferences might not be the same as those of your students or clients. 

That said, following the above suggestions will go a long way toward communicating successfully with most people on the spectrum. If you aren’t sure about something, rather than making assumptions, ask the person directly,  if they are incapable of answering, or ask their parent/carer/support worker about what you can do to help them feel more comfortable with you.

About the Author

Musician Wendy Forbes has worked with children in a variety of settings. Over the years, she has been a learning mentor for primary school students, taught singing to ages 2-16, and worked at a home for children with profound disabilities. She has also worked as a nanny, a Hospital Play Specialist and volunteered for Victim Support as a children and young people case worker. You can find her songs for children on her Rosbabies YouTube channel.

Related Posts

There are many more resources here at MindfulTeachers.org on mindful communication and on working with diverse populations of students and clients, including the following posts: 

• Changing the Script: A Mindful Way to Handle Annoyance  (excerpt from The Autism Playbook for Teens)

• Communicating Across Difference: Quotations for Reflection and Discussion

• Thought-Provoking Videos About Stereotypes, Identity and Privilege (the first video is a TEDX talk about autism and communication)

Also be sure to see the Q and A with Wendy Forbes on her work with children and experiences as a musician.